oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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