I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
