I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
