Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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