ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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