I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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