I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
