I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
