Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize