There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
