I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
