apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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