I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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