I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
