people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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