o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
