Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
