My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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