I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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