i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
