Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
