So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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