My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
