I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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