the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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