She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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