actually, I'm a sock model
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
