I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
