i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
