If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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