Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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