My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we're so committed to being not committed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
