R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
