Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
