I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
