Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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