How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
