you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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