I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
