Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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