I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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