there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
