are you still at the devil's house?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you guys were way drunker than both of me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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