He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
