They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
