There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
