I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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