I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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