Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
