I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
