You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When are your genitals available?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
