Apparently you make a good broom.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
