We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
