is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
