Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
