so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
