So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
