I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
