sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
