why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
