How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
