booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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