Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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