and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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