I think my vagina is haunted
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
