new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
