Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
