He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
