I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
