you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
