the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
