I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
