I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.