Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.