Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
