how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.