Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
